Rapture

I find myself constantly aware of the door. I know a surprise visit is very unlikely. A visit at all is not terribly likely. But my heart refuses to accept it. I may not sit at the door and watch but I am constantly thinking about what could be. I realized that is how we should be with Jesus' return. To be the lovesick Bride of Christ...with the constant awareness in the back of our minds and a longing in our hearts for Him to step through those clouds and take us to be with Him. But with Him...we KNOW He is coming because He said so. It is a great instruction to my heart...this is how ready our hearts should be for His return. Continuing with our daily work as we go about our lives, but always ready to drop everything and run to Him.

Faithful is the Lord

http://thegatheringplace.podbean.com/2012/06/25/worship-6-24-12/

Every song spoke to me today. The Lord is faithful.

Fortunes and walking without fainting

The Lord has fulfilled His word and promises...Or at least I see the beginning of the fulfillment. This morning as I return to sitting before the Lord as is my custom...I've some thought of how when I'm not in such pain and dire need that I might not seek the Lord as passionately. But that is what walking and not fainting is about. When the pain is so consuming that you can do nothing else but fall upon the Lord and cling desperately to Him...it's almost easy to be focused on Him. You have to for survival. It's on the days when you are emotionally okay that you have to do the walking and not fainting...where you put yourself back in the secret place and seek His face just as passionately. It's in the times of the mundane and the routine that you prove what you learned in the crucible...how desperately you need Him and how satsfying His presence is. When you are in the fire, sometimes you can't do anything else but sit before Him. When you are okay, coming back to sit before Him is proof of your love for Him. That you treasure the moments when you had nothing else and He is everything. And now you willingly put away everything to just be with Him.

Taste and see that the Lord is good!

Only a season

Well...The battle was not mine. I felt like I did the right thing. Now I'm miserable. But I'm not alone in it. This will only be a season I pray. I must let go and let God choose.

Where do I find my joy?

A text from someone I used to find great joy in. I wasn't expecting it so at first my heart wants to be excited or happy...to feel some positive feeling. But I immediately turned to worship. To singing about who God is and that He is for me. I don't want to put any of my joy or happiness in hearing from this person. Or any person...or any hope for the future other than hope in my Father's plan. The only one who will never leave, never forsake, never break a promise, never change His mind, never turn away...is my Lord. The only one truly safe to trust is Him. My heart is fragile right now especially. I can't survive and find joy in anything else. Because everything else will disappear at some point. Only my Father stays forever.

Identity

Struggling with the judgment of men. They would say whether or not I am righteous..whether or not I am in the Lord...whether or not I am light rather than darkness. Their judgment is based on things they can see. The Lord looks at the heart. I definitely believe that the heart will work its way out and affect the outward life as well. No question about that. There must be good fruit if the tree is good. The problem I have is with a checklist on a decision card. Putting God into a religious box of your making and saying whether or not there is any validity to a spiritual life based on your human perception. I dare you to ask the Lord what He thinks of me. I dare you to ask the Spirit if He makes His home in me. And I challenge myself by the same token...when I come to a person...do I go to God first and get His opinion on who the person is? Do I look at them through the lens of who God says they are? God sees and knows all. The inner motivations...the heart desires..the weakness and frailty...the inner core strength that we only see proven in the worst of fires...and even then, oftentimes we don't know everything. So I both challenge others in how they judge me and I challenge myself. Make your judgments based on the wisdom and insight given by the Spirit.

Jehoshaphat

I've felt so strongly about making this particular trip since Sunday...I really wanted to hear the word of the Lord on what I should do this morning. I went to the Word...then went to listen to the podcast of daily worship....Kevin read the story of Jehoshaphat. He spoke of how dire the situation was. What a mighty army they were up against that they had no hope of beating on their own. And they gathered and said...we don't know what to do..but our eyes are on You. Which is my heart cry today. And as they gathered together to pray and seek the Lord...a prophet spoke up and said from the Lord..to not be afraid of this vast army. Because the battle is not yours but the Lord's. Tomorrow go down against them and take your stand and see the deliverance of the Lord. To be still and see that He will fight for you. And the next morning there was a mighty deliverance. As they went out though they sent the worshippers ahead of them...so I am spending my day strictly praising you...not working out arguments in my head. Not even asking God to move. Simply praising You and trusting that You will fight for me. This word is so specific. I don't know how else to take it. Please continue to speak.

Caught between two seasons...or two storms...

Tears. Grief. Desperate prayers. A plan forms. Not a hard and fast plan...just a general construct. Waiting on many variables. I can't know the future. No way of telling what will happen. God give me clarity in this moment. Make my steps clear! There are two very different paths. I feel as though I'm sitting back and letting God decide. Which one opens to me... I don't want to lose one. Yet maybe I already have. I don't want to run to the other unless it's right. Either way, I won't be staying here forever. Or even much longer at all.

I've prayed for my friends. Now for the promise. Double? Twice as much? How will it come? What will it look like? I need your wisdom and clarity. You choose, God. I don't know my way forward. Just give me your best. Just give me You.

Moments of beautiful

The creek behind me full of water from the rains we've had. The path cut through the tall grasses. Tall trees on 3 sides and a house on a hill barely seen through the branches. Above me the sky is gray and overcast...barely seen flecks of blue. It's not at all dreary. The intricacy and variety of nature...the multi-shaded bark of a nearby tree...the constantly changing sky....My heart is captured by the wonder of Your creation. As I stand surrounded by the things You have dreamed up and spoke into being...I am caught by the fact that you know every leaf. You know every blade of grass. You know the tiniest grain of sand caught by the flood waters and spun downstream. My heart is lifted to You...

And I call You Maker...This beautiful creation. You crafted it. You spoke it into being. I will never understand or be able to learn everything there is to know about it and You know it all intimately. Everything the smartest among us will forget. And it came from You! You are the Source of all Life. And if this fallen creation is so captivating...what must the garden have been like?

And I call You Savior....What we destroyed...the perfect harmony You created..Yet You have made a way for us to be restored. Not just us as humans to be made right with You..but You will restore creation! What delight is in store for those who take delight in You!

And I call You Mighty...standing beneath the expanse of sky I am in awe of Your power. You are vast. I limit You by my human imagination.

And I call You God

I call You Father... As vast and incredible as You are...as awe-inspiring as Your creation...as small as I feel when considering Your wonders...You did not just make me. You are not just my creator. You are my Father. You have a loving relationship with me. You care for me. You give me good gifts. You listen to me. You hear me when I cry and come to my rescue. You are intimately acquainted with all my fears and hurts and You are patient with me. You have compassion like a good father has compassion on his fearful children. Your intimate love captivates my heart

And I call You faithful...You will never change. You are my constant. When people fail me. When they turn away. When they break faith. When they break their promises. When they are untrue. You are faithful. You never fail. You never leave. I can trust You.

I call You everything that I've got...And because I am Your child..everything of Yours is mine! I am a co-heir with Christ! What a marvelous mystery. I have been adopted! You have made me Your own. I am not a slave in Your house..I am a daughter of God! A daughter of the Creator God!

And I call You Jesus...No other name saves. No other name is sweeter than my Beloved. He is more lovely than all who surround Him. As lovely as this creation, You are far more beautiful.

And I call You healer...even in this moment...the hurts of the recent weeks are dimmed compared to Your revealed beauty. Your presence is my healing.

I call You Mercy...I am so insignificant. But You have mercy on me. I don't deserve Your revelation. I don't deserve the breath in my lungs. But You breathe into me and You call me closer.

I call You mine...You are everything I need. You are the only thing that truly satisfies. Every thing I could want is just a reflection of what I need in You. My desire to be loved...Your love is greater than all! My desire for security...no one could make me more secure than to be in the palm of the Creator God who is also my Father! My desire for companionship and community...You are the friend who cannot even be separated from me by death!

And I call You One who always will come through...I stand with all my prayers and fears and requests. I bring them to You because You are my Father and You want to hear them. You want to hear from me. In this moment I'm not even worried about how things will turn out. I just know that You know..and You will do what is good. You will do what is perfect. Because You are perfect. You are good. You will always come through. Your promises are Yes and Amen in Christ. Every promise You've given me is assured.

You are the Lord who captures my heart....Yes. My heart is truly captured. I stand surrounded by Your creation. My heart set on You. My arms lifted to the sky. And I sing...

Inspiration and lyrics from I Call You by Rita Springer

Fallen Eden

Since God has said the restoration will come after I pray for my friends...I've been praying. Going through my fb list and praying. Especially for marriages and relationships and families. For parents to be spiritual leaders and impart a godly heritage. For guards to be set around marriages. That they would not just be faithful to each other but would truly have the fulfilling and satisfying marriages that God intended. For families to reflect Christ.
There are so many of my friends who are newly married or engaged or welcoming new babies to their families. But I'm discovering more than I thought who were married but now those relationships appear broken. I don't know how or why...they're just single again. It just completely broke my heart. It should not be this way! Love is supposed to be faithful! It is not supposed to lie. Or to leave. It is not supposed to turn to another.

I feel so broken for the brokenness of this fallen world. Marriage is to reflect the faithfulness and mystery of the love between Christ and the church. But it does not. Fathers are supposed to reflect their heavenly father as they love their children. But so many do not. It burdens my heart. For all the lonely and broken lives. It was not meant to be this way! I've never felt such a burden to cry out for God to bring His kingdom to bear in our lives. To bring His kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. Not just for my own brokenness. But for the lonely and rejected. For the orphan. For the widow and the divorced. For all the abused and broken. Who trusted and were betrayed. How can they know the faithful love of the Lord if they don't see faithful love in us? How can they trust the Trustworthy One when we can't be trusted and we bear His name? God forgive us. For taking love so lightly. For taking our word so lightly.

Journeys and novels

I've been on quite the quest lately. In a new place this morning....I was so claustrophobic around people. I just had to get away. Put on some worship and teaching from the Gathering Place in Pineville, LA and had a little end of Redeeming Love moment. I think I just felt such an overpowering of religion and religious things and pretense and works that I wanted to strip everything away and just find Jesus. Just feel the Comforter. When I was back home before I made the career moves of last year that took me away from home...I remember thinking how much I would miss the leadership of my church family. God spoke to me through a song..

No sweeter name than the name of Jesus...
No sweeter name have I ever known...
No sweeter name than the name of Jesus..
You are the light to my heart and my soul...
You are the light to the darkness around me..
You are the hope to the hopeless and broken...
You are the only truth and the way...

And the Lord said...I am the light...I am the hope...I am the same everywhere. It's not the people. It's Me.
As much as I miss the sweet fellowship..today especially...I know that what I really need is still available to me..He is here.

Just another day...

When I was back home in Dry Creek...I still felt isolated. Alone in the woods without the prospect of a prince charming or a career doing horsie things. I learned to breathe and to live. I learned to worship You in my pain. I learned to declare truth over my soul. Then my prince charming reached out to me from 17 hours away...You told me he would come. And that everything was about to change. Now it feels like nothing has changed. You used him and my lost job and my desire to work with horses again to get me here. 10 hours away from my beloved animals and family and friends. 6 hours that might as well be a lifetime from my best friend. As I read about Job and the trials Bob has walked through and what he has learned....I see how You have possibly brought me here to bring me to a new level of dependence. Job became isolated in his trials. No one understood what he was going through. No one could relate. No one could make it better. But through that isolation You prepared him for a revelation of You that changed him forever. I still have great hope when I read the end of the story. You restored his fortunes in this life. I am desperately clinging to You...until You heal me. Then I know You will bless me and change my name. Give me a new identity even. You have told me twice that You will restore to me double. The second time You said this would happen once I had prayed for my friends...You intercede for us Jesus...teach me how to do the same.