Regret is too light a word.

Sometimes I just wonder if I've made all the wrong decisions all this time. I feel like I've lost everything. Everything I barely had. I don't know what to do.

Yet I know that You work all things for my good. Because I do love You..and I am called according to Your purpose. You will finish the work You have begun. You are true to Your promises. Nothing can thwart Your purposes in my life. Nothing can separate me from Your love. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. Oh keep my eyes on You...keep my heart and mind steadfast on You and wrap my heart in Your peace. Give me faith to trust what You say. Let Your words loom larger than my circumstances. Let me find rest in You. Saturate me in Your presence and fill me with Your Spirit. I need You.

maranatha

Jesus...You said you would come back again one day. Today would be good. Or any day shortly hereafter.

The edge of the Jordan

That day in September did end in joy somewhat. Not what I wanted it to be, but something nonetheless. I left with peace. Since then, I've thought it was hopeless and over so many times yet it came back and forth. I've continued to pray for restoration. I've waited and made my decision to step out in faith and move based on Your promise. For a while, nothing happened and I thought that maybe I wasn't supposed to be there...maybe I would go back to Egypt. And then, all of a sudden, You begin to open doors. Although, the words have been spoken that what I long for will never happen...yet whose word should I believe? Your promise or the faulty word of man? Take my actions in moving as faith in Your promise. Help my unbelief.

 I feel as though I was in captivity in Louisiana. I spent so long feeling stuck there. Yet, during that time, I grew so much in knowledge of You. I grew so much in trusting You and following Your voice. It was my Egypt. Like Israel growing in numbers....my faith and spiritual maturity grew larger. Then my Promised Land became known....I was ready to go! Ready to take it and inhabit it. But like Joshua and Caleb...I discovered that my readiness wasn't matched by the other party. So I've been in the wilderness. Halfway between Egypt and the Promised Land. You've sustained me with manna in this wilderness. I've grown even closer and deeper in understanding and dependence on Your provision. Now the time has come to cross Jordan and begin taking Jericho. You led Your people in...You didn't leave them in the wilderness forever....You never change. Come bring me into my Promised Land. Bring me in to take it and inhabit it. Fulfill the promises You've made. Bring to pass the visions You've given me. Don't delay. Bring me home.