A couple years ago God gave me a word about someone I was (and still am really) praying for. I had such a burden and deep desire to see this friend come to know the Lord. He was going into harm's way as well and it struck me how he was already in the way of the wrath of God by not responding to the Father's love shown in Jesus. This terrified me. I found myself wishing that I could somehow step between the wrath of God and him and begging God to have mercy. Zechariah 9 came to me during that time. I didn't go looking for it. I just happened to read it. And it was one of those neon light moments, you know? One verse says "Because of the blood of my covenant with you, I will release your prisoners from their waterless pit." It was so clear. It still resonates with me today. The next verse says "Return to your stronghold, O prisoners of hope; today I declare that I will restore to you double." Sunday during church, before this storm had really hit, I read this passage in Zechariah again. So it was fresh on my mind.

 Fast forward to now...A different agony is gripping my heart. I've learned so much over the years about waiting, about being patient with things that seem to be withheld. About trusting God when I don't see the way and I don't have any hope left. When I am so afraid of disappointments. I know I'm more like Him now, but I'm still frustrated with the present setbacks. 

My heart has been wanting to just abandon the situation I'm in and go somewhere else. I'm so tired of fighting this same battle. Those thoughts have crossed my mind before but not for a while. At those times some lyrics from Sara Groves' "Painting Pictures of Egypt" has crossed my mind.

I don't want to stay here.
I don't want to leave.
It feels like pinching to me either way.
And the place I was wasn't perfect, but I had found a way to live.
And it wasn't milk or honey, but then neither is this.
I've been painting pictures of Egypt.
Leaving out what it lacks
The future feels so hard and I wanna go back..

So when I came to the word the other day, I was in Jeremiah. And I read in chapter 42:

"Do not fear him, declares the Lord, for I am with you to save you and to deliver you...
I will grant you mercy, that he may have mercy on you and let you remain in your own land. But if you say, 'We will not remain in this land,' disobeying the voice of the Lord your God and saying, 'No, we will go to the land of Egypt, where we shall not see war or hear the sound of the trumpet or be hungry for bread, and we will dwell there'...
If you set your faces to enter Egypt and go to live there, then the sword that you fear shall overtake you there...the famine of which you are afraid shall follow close after you...."

Pretty sure that means I am not supposed to change things right now. But wait. Trust. Believe what He has said.

What adds to the frustration lately, is the fact that every time I get on fb it seems like someone else is engaged or married. Or wishing their spouse a happy birthday or anniversary. Or welcoming a new baby.

Then I read Job 42:

"I know that You can do all things,
and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted....
the Lord restored the fortunes of Job when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before..."

I felt like specifically I should be praying for those friends that are newly engaged and married. Twice as much? Sounds a lot like that promise of restoring double that I received a couple years ago. I love the way the Lord speaks consistently and clearly. I cling to Him for sanity and clarity. Otherwise I would never make it in this wait.