Agony of hope

I hear the word never. I see the impossible circumstances. Yet, I feel confidence in Your word of restoration. I'm afraid to believe because I'm so afraid of hoping and believing in something that I want to be true and afraid I'm reading into something. Yet, when You've spoken it hasn't been something I've been looking for...it's been something from an outside source that has nothing to do with my situation. Last night, Mark reminded me what it was like to hear the word of the Spirit..that as you grow in Christ you begin to recognize His voice. You know when He highlights something in your spirit. Then this morning, as I loaded the truck to leave, I was playing the worship podcasts on shuffle and I said, it would be nice to come back in with a word from You playing, and the minute I stepped back in the door, what Kevin was saying was that God will fulfill every word He's spoken. "The things that You have spoken WILL come to pass." Double restoration when I have prayed for my friends? The next one will be the one? Everything is about to change? You will bring me into my own land? You will clean me from my rebellion? You will sprinkle me with clean water? You will put Your Spirit in me in greater measure? For me to aim for restoration? Indeed many of these things You have already begun to accomplish. Father, let this day end in joy. Restore and rebuild and reconcile today, Lord.